because: valentine

There’s a few things I hate:

*Two minute noodles.
*Bad phone etiquette.
*Valentine’s Day.
The last time I had a significant other for V Day and I gave him a gift, it didn’t go so well. As I handed it over, the slump in his shoulders said:
*I was hoping you wouldn’t give me a gift.
*I don’t love you.
*Also, please stop sending me song lyrics via any kind of messaging service.

Presents

I usually spend Valentine’s Day rolling my eyes and watching a romantic movie with my best friend before crying myself to sleep. But this year, I have a valentine.
It’s fair to say I bullied Billy into celebrating V Day. I made it very clear that we would be participating in the romantic event, by reminding him this was the first time in 75 years I would be able to celebrate.
I thought a lot about what I should get Billy but an unflattering photo of the two of us accompanied by a cupcake and some superhero pills seemed the best option.

cupcake  superhero  halloweenblog

Abbey’s V Day gift ideas list (…and reasons for not including them in the gift bag):

Option 1: Send female stripper to office.
– Boyfriend dies of embarrassment and this is the last V Day I ever get to experience before he breaks up with me and I turn into a cat lady
Option 2: A dozen Doughnut Time doughnuts delivered to office
– They don’t deliver on V Day! (FFS)
Option 3: ‘Love Bug’ singing gram.
– Out of budget… Way out of budget.
Option 4: Hot air balloon ride
– I’m scared of heights and adventure

Rose ceremony

I work for a very wealthy entrepreneur and it’s a lot of fun. Not only does he enjoy a mid-week event but he’s also always very generous with the bar tab. Each year on V Day he gives every female in the office a rose. All the girls loves receiving a rose and kiss on the cheek from a millionaire. The only thing that I would suggest as an addition to the rose ceremony would be to include is some dim lighting, ball gowns and Osher Gunsberg. Also, if there are any leftover roses the blokes who have forgotten to get their wives a gift benefit from Larry’s over ordering with the florist.
On V Day I went for lunch and I came back to a rose placed on my desk. My colleagues looked up at me waiting for my response and with a gasp of excitement I asked:
‘Is that from Larry?!’

vdayrose
V Day rose from Billy… not Larry
Receiving two roses for V Day is basically like I’ve made it through two weeks on The Bachelor.
I have since amended the first list…

There’s a few things I hate:

*Two minute noodles.
*Bad phone etiquette.
*Cost of ‘Love Bug’ singing gram.

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