Day 3 of my holiday and I bought myself a pair of elasticated soft shorts, because I no longer care about my Thailand bikini body.
Actually, I’m not sure I ever really did. My commitment to the gym, for lack of a better word, is shitful. I only go maybe twice a week. Maybe. Even though it’s recommended I attend at least 3 sessions, and that pay $50, per week! I only go on a Saturday morning so I can treat myself to a naughty breakfast. You know the most expensive item on the menu with hollandaise, brioche, bacon and at least 2 overpriced coffees… Alright and a mimosa.
Also, I’m no longer afraid to eat bread or pasta and I physically can’t have a cup of tea without a biscuit. Needless to say hardly any lifestyle adjustments were made in securing a ‘Thailand bikini body’.
In fact there were none.
However, there is a repercussion of failing to secure a Thailand Bikini Body. My time spent sitting poolside in a bikini is reduced and this means I have to replace laying around (looking as if I’m one of those people who have a huge Instagram following) with activities.
The following list of activities can be found on TripAdvisor (this is not sponsored content… I’m just saying)
Activity 1: Cooking Class
Despite the look on my face I really enjoyed the Thai cooking class. It was very humid though and the heat was making me feel a bit faint (no doubt also participating in a holiday activity) so those cold beers were necessary. We did learn how to make 6 Thai dishes and they were bloody amazing! Best thing was we got to eat all the food! And that, is my favourite kind of holiday activity. I have also made an effort to pull my head in re: RBF*
Activity 2: Muay Thai Boxing
I have seen ‘Million Dollar Baby’ but that’s about as close as I have even got to a fight. In Thailand there are a lot of things you can buy for 100 baht and a front row seat at Muay Thai boxing match is just one of them. The warm up act was a regular boxing match and I’m pretty sure they found a Dutch tourist on the beach earlier that day whacked a helmet on him and paid him in cocktail buckets. The Muay Thai boxers were very entertaining and I was very impressed with their speed, agility and strength. But also with how helpful they were. Especially when I mistook one of them for a bartender and asked him where the bathroom was…
Activity 3: Climbing a mountain to get to a lagoon (… I’m not even joking)
The word ‘adventure’ is seldom associated with me. So when I was asked to go kayaking I decided to be unpredicatable and say YES! Minutes later I’m throwing an adult tantrum in the kayak and demanding to go back to shore. As soon as my feet can touch land I walk up the beach and straight to the nearest bar. The boyfriend is dragging the kayak along the sand behind me… still laughing. Then to be even more unpredictable, 20 minutes later I agree to go climb a mountain. This mountain is much like the first season of Underbelly… once you start you don’t want to stop incase there is something better further on. Having said that, when I found out I had to go down 3 unstable bamboo ladders I was tempted to just sit and wait for the others to go and come back. But I’m glad my ego encouraged me to persist because at the end of the there was a spectacular lagoon. It was absolutely stunning and I realised that this is why people travel.
I have ruined my new pair of elasticated soft shorts, as I was wearing them on the mountain climb and they are now covered in red mud.
I have chaffing behind my knees… I didn’t even know that was possible… AND I didn’t even get alcohol and or food poisoning. Which would have been handy and may have been the only way to reach my goal of: Thailand bikini body.
Pass the Pad Thai, would ya.
*1: Resting Bitch Face – the natural facial expression of a bitch on holiday in Thailand