Bachie Recap 

If you’re anything like me you love any kind of guilty pleasure trashy TV. Especially the Bachie. You watch. You cringe. You laugh. You get all the feels.
I love it so much that I even watched the low budget British version with Spencer Matthews (Pippa Middelton’s new brother in law). That was until the episode where the girls were forced against their will (I imagine) to do their own make up and perform a self written rap song in the English countryside. While the Bachie sat on a fishing chair with a flask of port. Both talent and lighting were lacking significantly on this date and I could no longer watch as the trash turned to sewerage.
However, this could never deter me from the Aussie version. In fact, I’ve even applied to be a Bachie contestant myself. Even though it’s a tedious process, as it does take 8 hours to complete the online application and then there is a good 4 month processing period.  I was stoked to finally received a call back! Although I did neglect to attend the audition for fear I would be asked to do topless jelly wrestling at the group audition. I would have been cast for all the wrong reasons.
So you can imagine my delight when I was informed that the newest Bachie: Matty J would be attending my workplace (… I work in an office not a makeshift rap venue in the English countryside).

In the lead up to Matty J’s arrival I sent my colleagues a daily meme of him and his gorgeous head of hair.

I campaigned for custom t-shirts and suggested serving champagne on arrival. Alas, both of these ideas were rejected by the finance manager.

I was now forced to produce my own low budget Bachie.

Monday 5th June 2017: Matty J Day! 

I expected him to be late but 25 minutes was almost more than my nerves could take. I kept peering out over my desk to see if he had arrived. Every time I heard someone get out of the lift my heart would race and I’d get a hot flush. It’s the same feeling you get when you’re rocking up to a tinder date or standing on a packed tram. Then finally I see that lush brown hair floating through the doorway and into my office. I took a deep breathe and stood up from my desk. Calmly I shook his hand while casually saying:

‘You must be Matty J..?’ 

He nods.

I continue.

‘I’m Abbey welcome to Starcom. I am the most excited that you’re here.’ 

He still says nothing.

I continue.

‘I’ll let everyone else know you’re here.’ 

It’s at this point I recognise the the sentiment on his face. I’ve seen it before, many times before. It’s a mix of terror, discomfort and the feeling that you’ve just met a crazy.

Still, I continue.

I take 10 steps towards the office space and scream into the open plan area:

‘HE’S HERE!!!!’ 

What I’ve also failed to mention is that I’m dressed in a flamingo pink satin hand beaded ball gown that I purchased from the op shop for $25. I figured that he would feel more comfortable around a female in a ball gown, but I think it had the exact opposite effect.

I will absolutely be adding the $25 I spent on the dress to my work expense claim this week.

Defs dancing here
That’s the look. The look of terror, discomfort and when you know you’ve just met a crazy!

because: budget

I read a bloody good Mamamia article (You can follow the link here) this week written by a Sydney-based married millennial. Basically she documented her social, active, city living life by tallying up her total weekly spend. This did not include expenses just her ‘on the daily’ needs… and sometimes impulsive wants. I was gob smacked that her total weekly spend came to $1000 (remembering this is less expenses) until I realised I’m probably just as frivolous with my money. I decided to back track through my week and tally up my total weekly spend. Here’s what I got:
Monthly expenses:
Rent $800
Netflix $8.99
Myki $80
Phone $105
Health Insurance $72
Interweb $25
Adult braces $320
Total monthly expenses $1410.99

Get a coffee on the way to work and accidentally also order toastie $11
Pay for a hen’s day $40
Go into the city during my lunch break. Need to get back to work ASAP can’t wait for Uber, get a taxi instead $12
Grab a sandwich for lunch $8.90 (Literally just a turkey and dust sandwich – nothing else)
Go for drinks after work with my mate Bridget $12 (Thank god it’s still happy hour!)

Coffee $4 (Go to the good place as you’re a Melbourne coffee snob)
Get sushi for lunch then are disappointed when it comes to $17.00 (I should have just got a $10 souvlaki!)
Bottle of wine after work to drink while watching the footy, even though it’s pre season, with the boyfriend and his mates $12 (Don’t care if it’s full of sulphites, it’s on sale!)
Ice creams from the 7/11 on the way home from watching pre season footy $8

I’m determined to pack my lunch all next week. I need ingredients for avo on toast, tuna salad and almond meal zucchini fritters. Like an idiot I get everything from the organic section of the supermarket $41
On the way home from the supermarket realise I locked my keys in the flat. Housemate is overseas so have to call a locksmith. Pay $120 for the privilege of getting into my own flat.
Pay for another hen’s $100
Spend the night (like actually the whole night 7pm – 6am) at White Night, go for a walk at 3.30am to stay awake, get sliders from food truck (also shout my sister but eat her share of the chips) $16

Go to Maccas on way home from White Night. Devo when I discover they are only serving breakfast (I just wanted nuggets!). Get an Aussie breaky burger instead… and 2 hash browns $11
Sleep all day and don’t leave the house until 4.30pm spend $0 doing so (YES!)
Go to boyfriend’s for dinner, get the organic wine $18

Go to yoga but forget to bring a towel, mat, or water. Pay for class and hire of items $28
Need a coffee because I woke up at 5.30am to go to yoga $4.50 (get soy because I’m still pretending to be a flexitarian)
NEED new white t-shirt as I spilt olive oil on the one I just bought so have a quick look at ASOS… $46 later
Teach dancing in Yarraville after work and get an Uber home $23

Transfer money out of everyday account into my savings so I don’t spend my rent money – forget health insurance and Interweb is coming out. Get an overdrawn account fee $15 (… it used to be $9!)
Coffee $4.50 – Consider giving up coffee but I hardly eat meat I’m not giving up coffee as well!
Teaching in Yarraville again tonight another Uber $21

Coffee $4.50 (realise that soy is now $5.00 so just get a skinny flat white)
Go for a walk at lunch, fight the urge to get a Diet Coke… Get one anyway – it’s only $2.50
Read Mamamia article about Sydney woman who documents where her money goes over one week and realise this is a great idea. I then go to supermarket to buy coriander and tomatoes and end up spending $48
Buy a bottle of wine as well but finally sign up to Dan Murphy’s club card $12
Total Weekly Spend $619.90

I’m no accountant but it seems my lifestyle doesn’t match my income. Kind of like how my education doesn’t match my ambition or my crockery doesn’t match my apartment. I’ve heard about these people that track their spending and adhere to something called a budget..? And after actually seeing how much I spend weekly, on nothing, I’m likely to be implementing one. Maybe next week though…

I’m of the firm belief that money doesn’t buy happiness and having smashed avo on toast, e’ry day, is the ultimate meme, I mean dream.


Up ↑