because: golf

I bought a pair of beige knee-length straight-leg chino shorts last week. $12 from Target. Didn’t even try them on. Just held them up against my hips and thought to myself:
‘I wonder if I should get two pairs?’…

I needed these chino shorts to wear to my golf lesson. Even though I recognise that I will not only look like a retiree, but this is also my first ever golf lesson. I have never even held a golf club and here I am rocking up to golf 101 fully decked out. I do kinda wish I had a visor though, that would really have completed my look. Then I realised that if someone came to one of my beginner dance classes and they were dressed head to toe in ‘ballroom dance’ I would think they were a dickhead.
Calm down, it’s your first go!
What if you’re terrible?
What if you hate it?
What if you look like a dickhead?!

In my head I’m very good at golf. I’ve heard for years and years that ballroom dancers are quite good because of the similarities in the fundamentals of both ballroom dancing and golf. I wish I could say I have wanted to play golf for health benefits or even a sentimental reason. Mainly, it’s because I think I’ll be very skilled at golf and I only enjoy doing things I’m good at.


And the vision I have of me playing golf is that of a good swing accompanied by a well-styled outfit. It doesn’t occur to me that I could be bad at golf until I hold the club in my hand and attempt to hit the ball and miss completely. Several times. I thought my total ignorance might be advantageous. No bad habits. No prior misconceptions. But, no advantages were taken.

When asked if I knew what the bottom of the club was called my response was: ‘the bottom of the club’ (it’s called the sole btw). I literally have no information about golf and I haven’t even pretended to do any form of research, yet I still think I’m good at golf. I did panic when the instructor said the phrase ‘on the green’ and looked at me. I assume he was referring to the grass area… but I can’t be sure.

Admittedly, I did watch a women’s tournament that was played on the ABC a few weeks ago but all I kept thinking was: ‘What are they wearing?’ I signed up to three women’s golf attire websites (I use the word attire because the word fashion between ‘golf’ and ‘women’ is an oxymoron) the next day and they are all terrible. The best thing you can buy is an ill-fitting baby pink polo shirt or this leopard print cardi.



Surely golf attire has bounced over Stella McCartney’s desk? Or do real women golfers buy their outfits from Net-a-Porter?

I did have a flick through Australian Golf Digest at work the other day but my very limited golf knowledge still made it difficult to understand what they were on about. Suddenly I’m very aware that maybe golf is far more complex than I realise. My plan of hash tagging golf related words in this post to gain a followers has been re-evaluated and I best spend the week YouTubing golf… things.

I do understand why everyone wears chino shorts though. So comfy. So practical.
Last weekend I was packing my bags for a fancy fishing trip. First thing in the suitcase is my chino shorts …I knew should have bought two pairs.

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