It all started when I saw The Bachelorette shirtless puppy spread in the New Weekly last week. I showed a few girls around the office before ripping out the page Apollo was on. I then, glanced at the empty notice board that occupies my work desk and thought: That’s a good place to put it.
For those of you who don’t know Apollo…
Apollo is a current contestant on The Bachelorette and if I were Sophie Monk I would have tapped a spoon on my glass of bubbles during the first cocktail party and sent all those other bozo’s home. Apollo you are the winner, you may stay and win my heart, a tacky piece of jewellery and any media commitments I am contracted to after this show. Alacazam!
I wish I knew more about Apollo, other than his age (24) and his ability to rock a tweed waistcoat (highly commended). He even looks sexy af in tweed?! But look, all you really need to know is that he’s a magician. Ladies, if you can’t recognise the benefits of dating a magician consider their most exercised body part. It’s their hands. I’m just going to leave you with that thought.
Although, I was more than happy with Apollo I thought why not add some more good looking people to this ugly vacant notice board. It will surely make me a more productive, energetic, exemplary employee!
The following pictures have since been approved for display on: ‘The great wall of really really ridiculussly good looking people’
This is my boyfriend, Billy. I not only added him to the wall as per his request but also because I do think he’s unbelievably handsome. Just after we started seeing each other we were at a BBQ and he followed modern day social etiquette by adding this bloke who he’d just met, to Facebook. I stood witness to the beginning of a true friendship. Billy’s new mate looked at his profile pic (this photo) and said:
‘Jesus. You look like a supermodel in this photo.’
To which my normally shy, modest, humble Billy replied.
‘Yeah I know. That’s why it’s my profile pic.’
Turns out Dereck Zoolander and Billy have more in common than you might think.
*this content was approved by Mr Billy Robinson before publication
After careful consideration I have elected Chris Pine as my celebrity pass.
I first announced that Chris Pine was my celebrity pass during the opening credits of ‘Wonder Woman’. Billy hurriedly also announced that his leave pass was Gal Gadot. Without hesitation I added:
‘Her and I are basically the same.’
…You lucky bastard!
*Both Chris Pine and Gal Gadot were added to: ‘The great wall of really really ridiculously good looking people’ after my boss had a quiet word to me about sexism in the workplace.
I will never get over the fact that he wasn’t cast as Christian Grey. Never.
This photo of Matty J and his nephew, George and a few other kids he borrowed (kipnappped) for the day, is saved on my computer as: ‘Ovaries Exploding’.
Dean Cain (AKA The 90’s Superman)
If you’re to young to remember ‘Lois and Clarke – The new adventures of superman’, too bad I’m not going to explain – Google it! I had a huge poster of Dean Cain in my room while my sister was busy gawking at Devon Sawa. Gross. I’ve also just realised that this show may also be where I got an unrealistic expectation of what is really underneath a man’s clothing.
Approved request from 23 year old work colleague.
To be honest I kinda always get Tom Hardy mixed up with Tom Brady and then I have to have the conversation about Gisele Bundchen being a home wrecker. That’s when I remember having the same conversation with someone else the last time I got Tom Brady confused with Tom Hardy. Its confusing but I have learnt that it’s best just to remember him as the other bloke in ‘The Revenant’. The guy that you cannot understand a word he says. Also if you haven’t seen his best film: ‘Locke’, you absolutely should.
Complying with the workplace sexism policy by adding my girl crush to the wall. Blake Lively was also submitted but was unfortunately rejected by the approval process… She is married to Ryan Reynolds FFS! That bitch it lucky enough, she can’t have everything.