DISCLAIMER: This is not an advertisement for Invisalign
There is a girl that catches the same tram as me and I hate her. I don’t know her name, where she works or anything about her, but I hate her. Every time I see her I give her the stink eye and she looks me up and down. I won’t even take the spare seat next to her, as I’d rather stand the entire way and risk sliding on my heels through the entire carriage every time the driver brakes. Am I jealous that she has an Aje leather jacket or that she rocks a sneaker in a corporate office attire way? Do I envy her always freshly dyed/straightened/washed hair? Or. OR is it because she has the most perfectly straight teeth.
It’s the teeth.
Growing up I always maintained that my slightly crooked tooth added character to my already vivacious personality. But secretly it bothered me. Then when I became an adult and signed up for a health insurance policy, I started going to the dentist. I soon discovered a dentist’s waiting room is basically an endless wallpaper of perfectly straight white teeth. As you wait you start to regret every single lolly and drop of coffee you’ve ever consumed. And then it starts to happen. Slowly you start to dream. Dream about having those perfectly straight white teeth.
The first time I went for an Invisalign consultation the thought of coughing up $6000 for straight teeth made me want to join an outdoor adventure club so I would never smile again. I don’t have that kind of money for teeth! … Or outdoor adventure. So I just ignored and envied anyone with a beautiful smile and continued living my crooked tooth life. But it still secretly bothered me. Finally I decided to just bite the $6000 bullet! Mainly because I found it very difficult to choose a good profile picture for my Facebook account and my finance was approved.
Every. Single. Time.
The day I picked up my aligners I was so excited about the thought of having straight teeth that I hadn’t even considered the logistics of having to take them out every time I ate or drank anything other than water. Coffee. Brush your teeth. Felafel salad and left over kebab with chips and gravy. Mouthwash. Popcorn. Floss. Every. Single. Time. At first I thought this would be a great way to lose weight but I really underestimated the strength of my appetite. The straight teeth diet has had zero impact on my waist line or bingo wings.
For the last 9 months I have been sometimes diligently wearing my adult braces. And in 14 short weeks I shall have perfectly straight teeth. I will no longer carry a tube of toothpaste around with me and the search for a great profile pic will be a lot easier. But the things I’m most hopeful for is that I will no longer hate the girl on the tram with the perfectly straight white teeth.
*I record the progress of my teeth straightening using Snapchat filters. Obviously one with false eyelashes is my preferred choice.