because: budget

I read a bloody good Mamamia article (You can follow the link here) this week written by a Sydney-based married millennial. Basically she documented her social, active, city living life by tallying up her total weekly spend. This did not include expenses just her ‘on the daily’ needs… and sometimes impulsive wants. I was gob smacked that her total weekly spend came to $1000 (remembering this is less expenses) until I realised I’m probably just as frivolous with my money. I decided to back track through my week and tally up my total weekly spend. Here’s what I got:
Monthly expenses:
Rent $800
Netflix $8.99
Myki $80
Phone $105
Health Insurance $72
Interweb $25
Adult braces $320
Total monthly expenses $1410.99

Thursday
Get a coffee on the way to work and accidentally also order toastie $11
Pay for a hen’s day $40
Go into the city during my lunch break. Need to get back to work ASAP can’t wait for Uber, get a taxi instead $12
Grab a sandwich for lunch $8.90 (Literally just a turkey and dust sandwich – nothing else)
Go for drinks after work with my mate Bridget $12 (Thank god it’s still happy hour!)

Friday
Coffee $4 (Go to the good place as you’re a Melbourne coffee snob)
Get sushi for lunch then are disappointed when it comes to $17.00 (I should have just got a $10 souvlaki!)
Bottle of wine after work to drink while watching the footy, even though it’s pre season, with the boyfriend and his mates $12 (Don’t care if it’s full of sulphites, it’s on sale!)
Ice creams from the 7/11 on the way home from watching pre season footy $8

Saturday
I’m determined to pack my lunch all next week. I need ingredients for avo on toast, tuna salad and almond meal zucchini fritters. Like an idiot I get everything from the organic section of the supermarket $41
On the way home from the supermarket realise I locked my keys in the flat. Housemate is overseas so have to call a locksmith. Pay $120 for the privilege of getting into my own flat.
Pay for another hen’s $100
Spend the night (like actually the whole night 7pm – 6am) at White Night, go for a walk at 3.30am to stay awake, get sliders from food truck (also shout my sister but eat her share of the chips) $16

Sunday
Go to Maccas on way home from White Night. Devo when I discover they are only serving breakfast (I just wanted nuggets!). Get an Aussie breaky burger instead… and 2 hash browns $11
Sleep all day and don’t leave the house until 4.30pm spend $0 doing so (YES!)
Go to boyfriend’s for dinner, get the organic wine $18

Monday
Go to yoga but forget to bring a towel, mat, or water. Pay for class and hire of items $28
Need a coffee because I woke up at 5.30am to go to yoga $4.50 (get soy because I’m still pretending to be a flexitarian)
NEED new white t-shirt as I spilt olive oil on the one I just bought so have a quick look at ASOS… $46 later
Teach dancing in Yarraville after work and get an Uber home $23

Tuesday
Transfer money out of everyday account into my savings so I don’t spend my rent money – forget health insurance and Interweb is coming out. Get an overdrawn account fee $15 (… it used to be $9!)
Coffee $4.50 – Consider giving up coffee but I hardly eat meat I’m not giving up coffee as well!
Teaching in Yarraville again tonight another Uber $21

Wednesday
Coffee $4.50 (realise that soy is now $5.00 so just get a skinny flat white)
Go for a walk at lunch, fight the urge to get a Diet Coke… Get one anyway – it’s only $2.50
Read Mamamia article about Sydney woman who documents where her money goes over one week and realise this is a great idea. I then go to supermarket to buy coriander and tomatoes and end up spending $48
Buy a bottle of wine as well but finally sign up to Dan Murphy’s club card $12
Total Weekly Spend $619.90

I’m no accountant but it seems my lifestyle doesn’t match my income. Kind of like how my education doesn’t match my ambition or my crockery doesn’t match my apartment. I’ve heard about these people that track their spending and adhere to something called a budget..? And after actually seeing how much I spend weekly, on nothing, I’m likely to be implementing one. Maybe next week though…

I’m of the firm belief that money doesn’t buy happiness and having smashed avo on toast, e’ry day, is the ultimate meme, I mean dream.

#liveyourmilleniallife

because: valentine

There’s a few things I hate:

*Two minute noodles.
*Bad phone etiquette.
*Valentine’s Day.
The last time I had a significant other for V Day and I gave him a gift, it didn’t go so well. As I handed it over, the slump in his shoulders said:
*I was hoping you wouldn’t give me a gift.
*I don’t love you.
*Also, please stop sending me song lyrics via any kind of messaging service.

Presents

I usually spend Valentine’s Day rolling my eyes and watching a romantic movie with my best friend before crying myself to sleep. But this year, I have a valentine.
It’s fair to say I bullied Billy into celebrating V Day. I made it very clear that we would be participating in the romantic event, by reminding him this was the first time in 75 years I would be able to celebrate.
I thought a lot about what I should get Billy but an unflattering photo of the two of us accompanied by a cupcake and some superhero pills seemed the best option.

cupcake  superhero  halloweenblog

Abbey’s V Day gift ideas list (…and reasons for not including them in the gift bag):

Option 1: Send female stripper to office.
– Boyfriend dies of embarrassment and this is the last V Day I ever get to experience before he breaks up with me and I turn into a cat lady
Option 2: A dozen Doughnut Time doughnuts delivered to office
– They don’t deliver on V Day! (FFS)
Option 3: ‘Love Bug’ singing gram.
– Out of budget… Way out of budget.
Option 4: Hot air balloon ride
– I’m scared of heights and adventure

Rose ceremony

I work for a very wealthy entrepreneur and it’s a lot of fun. Not only does he enjoy a mid-week event but he’s also always very generous with the bar tab. Each year on V Day he gives every female in the office a rose. All the girls loves receiving a rose and kiss on the cheek from a millionaire. The only thing that I would suggest as an addition to the rose ceremony would be to include is some dim lighting, ball gowns and Osher Gunsberg. Also, if there are any leftover roses the blokes who have forgotten to get their wives a gift benefit from Larry’s over ordering with the florist.
On V Day I went for lunch and I came back to a rose placed on my desk. My colleagues looked up at me waiting for my response and with a gasp of excitement I asked:
‘Is that from Larry?!’

vdayrose
V Day rose from Billy… not Larry
Receiving two roses for V Day is basically like I’ve made it through two weeks on The Bachelor.
I have since amended the first list…

There’s a few things I hate:

*Two minute noodles.
*Bad phone etiquette.
*Cost of ‘Love Bug’ singing gram.

because: girlonthetram

DISCLAIMER: This is not an advertisement for Invisalign
There is a girl that catches the same tram as me and I hate her. I don’t know her name, where she works or anything about her, but I hate her. Every time I see her I give her the stink eye and she looks me up and down. I won’t even take the spare seat next to her, as I’d rather stand the entire way and risk sliding on my heels through the entire carriage every time the driver brakes. Am I jealous that she has an Aje leather jacket or that she rocks a sneaker in a corporate office attire way? Do I envy her always freshly dyed/straightened/washed hair? Or. OR is it because she has the most perfectly straight teeth.
It’s the teeth.

Dreaming

Growing up I always maintained that my slightly crooked tooth added character to my already vivacious personality. But secretly it bothered me. Then when I became an adult and signed up for a health insurance policy, I started going to the dentist. I soon discovered a dentist’s waiting room is basically an endless wallpaper of perfectly straight white teeth. As you wait you start to regret every single lolly and drop of coffee you’ve ever consumed. And then it starts to happen. Slowly you start to dream. Dream about having those perfectly straight white teeth.

Profile Pic

The first time I went for an Invisalign consultation the thought of coughing up $6000 for straight teeth made me want to join an outdoor adventure club so I would never smile again. I don’t have that kind of money for teeth! … Or outdoor adventure. So I just ignored and envied anyone with a beautiful smile and continued living my crooked tooth life. But it still secretly bothered me. Finally I decided to just bite the $6000 bullet! Mainly because I found it very difficult to choose a good profile picture for my Facebook account and my finance was approved.

Every. Single. Time.

The day I picked up my aligners I was so excited about the thought of having straight teeth that I hadn’t even considered the logistics of having to take them out every time I ate or drank anything other than water. Coffee. Brush your teeth. Felafel salad and left over kebab with chips and gravy. Mouthwash. Popcorn. Floss. Every. Single. Time. At first I thought this would be a great way to lose weight but I really underestimated the strength of my appetite. The straight teeth diet has had zero impact on my waist line or bingo wings.

For the last 9 months I have been sometimes diligently wearing my adult braces. And in 14 short weeks I shall have perfectly straight teeth. I will no longer carry a tube of toothpaste around with me and the search for a great profile pic will be a lot easier. But the things I’m most hopeful for is that I will no longer hate the girl on the tram with the perfectly straight white teeth.
Doubtful.
But hopeful.

gott2
*I record the progress of my teeth straightening using Snapchat filters. Obviously one with false eyelashes is my preferred choice.

because: upthemurray

For the past 23 summers I have been sweating my bum off in a dance studio, arguing over the musical dynamics of a boto fogo and whose turn it was to make a cuppa. Now, I’ve just discovered that there is a whole community of people that spend their summers floating up and down the Murray River. Hanging off the back of speedboats. Riding jetskis and laying on inflatable beds shaped like animals and colourful summery food products. Spending entire days in the water and under the sun, loving their lives.
Then 10 young professionals (alright 9 … I hardly consider myself a young professional) from Melbourne turn up and hire a houseboat.
Even though I swore that I would never get on a boat ever (EVER!) again after the time I was a sailor disguised as an entertainer #cruiseshiplyfe, when the idea to spend a long weekend on a houseboat was presented to me, I disregarded the promise I had made to myself. I bought a wide brimmed hat, a bottle of sunscreen and googled: “Murray River safety concerns”. It was the day after Australia Day and a few of us a nursing hang overs but we had three eskies full of booze, a seven seater spa and an endless catalogue of games accessible via an app to look forward to. We divided the grocery list between us, packed Cards Against Humanity in case we need any extra entertainment and carpool to Echuca.

Salad Kween

I was appointed salad things as my job for the weekend. I took it very seriously and prepped and planned what I would serve. I carefully calculated how much of everything I would need and I even considered people’s food allergies and taste preferences. That’s a lie. I just got enough vegies, goats cheese and a pre-made potato salad for everyone. I was showing off a bit when I kicked off the first barbie with a mango and avo salad and then backed it up the next day with beetroot, sweet potato (which I baked) and goats cheese salad. After my previous failed attempt to make scones for this group, one of the boys turned to me and said:
‘You’re on salads from now on… No more desserts for you.’
#saladkween

Instant coffee and tomato sauce

After a discussion about ingredients required for espresso martinis, we realised there was no coffee anywhere on the entire boat. Not even in one of those fancy shower scrubs. Two days and 10 Melbourne coffee snobs without caffeine could result in some devastating outcomes. We searched online for anywhere to stop and have a coffee but that proved difficult and we ended up walking through a caravan park to find a little general store that sells everything from coffee to fishing bait to brake fluid. We gather our supplies then make our way back to the boat with tomato sauce, instant coffee and three kinds of alcohol for espresso martinis.
#melbournecoffeesnob

coffeeandsauce
Got bogged

I feel anxious about parking my push bike in a bike rack. So when it came to parking the house boat I just pretended to read my novel. But I was secretly watching intently and panicking on the inside. On the last day we stopped by a winery and while getting off the boat, avoiding the mud was near impossible I was still very excited to have a real coffee. Halfway through the tasting the waitress informed us that we were, in fact, parked in a space reserved for the paddle steamer. We claimed to have not seen the sign and a few of the boys go to move the houseboat while the rest of us continue to enjoy the wine. The boys eventually return after moving the houseboat twice and play down that it may be an issue on leaving. We all enjoy a great lunch and return to a bogged houseboat. Most people got behind the boat to push, except a few of us who are more concerned with uploading Snapchats and avoiding mud. Luckily a nice bloke on a jetski stopped to talk us through getting out of the mud otherwise we’d still probably be bogged up the Murray.
(no hashtag for this one)
We didn’t catch any fish and no one stayed up past midnight but it was such a ripper weekend. I never thought I would be the kind of person to spend a long weekend up the Murray, but maybe I am…
About a year ago, just after I started my new job in a corporate environment, I wrote a blog on personality types in the office. I described one of the “types” as people who save up to go on holidays to Thailand and up the Murray…

Now that’s me.
I’m that kind of person.
Loving my life.
#upthemurray

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