because: straya

WARNING: this blog contains heaps of Aussie lingo

If I ever have to describe my Dad to anyone, I say: “Imagine Crocodile Dundee meets Sam Newman.” Basically, a well-spoken explorer of the national land, who uses a lot of slang and also enjoys fishing and the footy. I think that’s the most accurate description.

croc  + samnewman = rossy

Just after my parents got married they moved out of the big smoke and bought a house in the gold mining town of Ballarat. They loved living there, and still do! Sausage rolls are under $2, everyone wears thongs (even in winter) and if you know the local copper it’s easy to talk your way out of a speeding fine. Years ago, Mum and Dad had some visitors for lunch at the first house they bought in town (everyone also says: ‘down the street’) and on noticing the mint on the vacant block next door Rossy was asked for a bin liner and a bunk up. That bloke took with him a bag of mint and a field of dreams that day. Turns out the weeds growing over the fence from Rossy were actually a variety of English mint imported during the gold rush era. This mint is able to withstand harsh conditions and cold climates which is probably why it grew quicker than a jack rabbit on a date. So did that lucky bloke’s bank account and his rise in becoming Australia’s no.1 market gardener.
Rossy has had many get quick rich ideas over the years but the most entertaining would be the time he wanted to farm marron – the world’s 3rd largest freshwater crayfish. The success of a marron farm was all Rossy needed to pay off his mortgage and retire at 40. The great Australian dream and: “a license to print money!” You bewdy! My parents sold their house, bought a property in the sticks, a kelpie and dug a hole to build a dam. This quick rich quick scam was even better than winning the lotto until Rossy discovered, after a bit of research, it’s actually illegal to farm marron in Victoria due to climate conditions.

Shit.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again!

These attempts at making the BWR young rich list have only taught me there always the hope of achieving the great Aussie dream and it’s only one get rich quick scam away. I should also thank Rossy for my wide education in the form of Aussie slander, botanicals and ways to piss off the tax office.

Five other beaut things about being an Aussie:

Accent

I love my Aussie accent and despite the countless times I have had to repeat myself to a foreigner I will never lose my Bogan twang. If I did a quick poll I’d say the most common words I have had to repeat are:
Beer – pronounced Bee-yah
Tour – pronounced Two-wah
And come – a – gutsa … because no one knows what that means…

comeagutsa

AFL

It’s often described as the most Australian thing. You kick a goal and get 6 points, but if you miss we’ll give you 1 point for having a crack.

Kenny

Someone made a movie about an overweight plumber named Kenny, who has a port-a-loo business and it’s bloody funny. The best thing about the movie is the premiere was held in a tiny town in Victoria called: Poowong. How good’s that?!

kenny
When you’ve had a shit-house day

Beetroot

Apart from the fact it gives you pink poo, beetroot is delish, healthy and best served in a hamburger. Apparently also helps to heal sunburn (you have to eat it though… don’t be a galah and rub it all over your skin).

Bob Hawke

I’ll disregard the fact that he is a member of the Labor Party, but a former prime minister that skolls beer when coerced by a crowd (or politely asked)… What a legend! You can have a squiz at Bob Hawkes beer skolling highlights reel here: Hawke’s Showreel

Happy Straya Day!

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