because: straya

WARNING: this blog contains heaps of Aussie lingo

If I ever have to describe my Dad to anyone, I say: “Imagine Crocodile Dundee meets Sam Newman.” Basically, a well-spoken explorer of the national land, who uses a lot of slang and also enjoys fishing and the footy. I think that’s the most accurate description.

croc  + samnewman = rossy

Just after my parents got married they moved out of the big smoke and bought a house in the gold mining town of Ballarat. They loved living there, and still do! Sausage rolls are under $2, everyone wears thongs (even in winter) and if you know the local copper it’s easy to talk your way out of a speeding fine. Years ago, Mum and Dad had some visitors for lunch at the first house they bought in town (everyone also says: ‘down the street’) and on noticing the mint on the vacant block next door Rossy was asked for a bin liner and a bunk up. That bloke took with him a bag of mint and a field of dreams that day. Turns out the weeds growing over the fence from Rossy were actually a variety of English mint imported during the gold rush era. This mint is able to withstand harsh conditions and cold climates which is probably why it grew quicker than a jack rabbit on a date. So did that lucky bloke’s bank account and his rise in becoming Australia’s no.1 market gardener.
Rossy has had many get quick rich ideas over the years but the most entertaining would be the time he wanted to farm marron – the world’s 3rd largest freshwater crayfish. The success of a marron farm was all Rossy needed to pay off his mortgage and retire at 40. The great Australian dream and: “a license to print money!” You bewdy! My parents sold their house, bought a property in the sticks, a kelpie and dug a hole to build a dam. This quick rich quick scam was even better than winning the lotto until Rossy discovered, after a bit of research, it’s actually illegal to farm marron in Victoria due to climate conditions.

Shit.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again!

These attempts at making the BWR young rich list have only taught me there always the hope of achieving the great Aussie dream and it’s only one get rich quick scam away. I should also thank Rossy for my wide education in the form of Aussie slander, botanicals and ways to piss off the tax office.

Five other beaut things about being an Aussie:

Accent

I love my Aussie accent and despite the countless times I have had to repeat myself to a foreigner I will never lose my Bogan twang. If I did a quick poll I’d say the most common words I have had to repeat are:
Beer – pronounced Bee-yah
Tour – pronounced Two-wah
And come – a – gutsa … because no one knows what that means…

comeagutsa

AFL

It’s often described as the most Australian thing. You kick a goal and get 6 points, but if you miss we’ll give you 1 point for having a crack.

Kenny

Someone made a movie about an overweight plumber named Kenny, who has a port-a-loo business and it’s bloody funny. The best thing about the movie is the premiere was held in a tiny town in Victoria called: Poowong. How good’s that?!

kenny
When you’ve had a shit-house day

Beetroot

Apart from the fact it gives you pink poo, beetroot is delish, healthy and best served in a hamburger. Apparently also helps to heal sunburn (you have to eat it though… don’t be a galah and rub it all over your skin).

Bob Hawke

I’ll disregard the fact that he is a member of the Labor Party, but a former prime minister that skolls beer when coerced by a crowd (or politely asked)… What a legend! You can have a squiz at Bob Hawkes beer skolling highlights reel here: Hawke’s Showreel

Happy Straya Day!

because: flexitarian

Righto.

There have been a series of events that have occurred over the past few weeks and have contributed to my newly acquired flexitarian status.

Firstly, WTF is a Flexitarian?

When people ask me what a flexitarian is, I tell them that basically you’re a vegetarian but if you want to have a burger you can have a burger…

Or if you need a better explanation read this well written informative article: WTF is a Flexitarian Diet (And Should You Try It)?

Fat face

On Christmas Day I had an unprovoked allergic reaction to wine. And I swear on my future as Australia’s most reputable blogger that I hadn’t consumed any wine. The sulphites had finally found other ways to ruin my life. It was time to take the plunge into a preservative-free existence. Obviously I wouldn’t be doing this to until the New Year though. I still had two weeks of holidays, a gifted bottle of champagne to consume and a road trip to Adelaide to embark on.

Also it’s really hard to be healthy on holidays. But after a hangover that lasted most of Christmas Day, coupled with a swollen face I was determined to at least try. I packed a punnet of cherries,three apricots, falafel chips and a box of date bars to have in the car on the road trip. Four days and three hotel check-ins later and the only thing we had eaten were the apricots.
… Then something strange happened.

Self-inflicted portion control

The day we arrived into Adelaide I had a small meal early in the afternoon and when I went for dinner, later that night, I didn’t order anything. Not only did I not order anything I didn’t even take a bite from the boyfriend’s plate. I was experiencing no symptoms of hunger. I explained to Billy that this had never happened to me before and that it was of great concern. And what was even more concerning was this continued for a few days: sharing food, skipping meals and ordering entrées.

hungry

On New Year’s Eve we did a wine tour and hit the first cellar door at 9.45am… without breakfast. As we were the only ones on the 12 seater bus tour we asked our tour guide Bruce if we could go to Maggie Beer’s farm next. Bruce kind of rolled his eyes and told us not to get our hopes up, Maggie wouldn’t be waiting at the gate wearing an apron and a smile as she personally welcomed us. But she was and I loved that I was able to tick off yet another chance meeting with a D-list celebrity chef. The cafe was full of FREE samples of which I only tried a few and the moment I ordered the kids meal I knew my New Year’s resolution was going to be food based.

Leonardo DiCaprio

The last day of the road trip we stopped at Hungry Jacks in Horsham. Which, by the way, is the slowest fast food outlet in the world! I order a double cheese and bacon burger with fries and chicken fries. I ate it all and it was absolutely delicious but I did feel like I was going to have a heart attack afterwards. The same day I watched a documentary on Netflix that my fellow dancer/blogger/comedian friend Rachelle Plass (click her for a link to her blog)  had recommended. Rachelle is one of those people you classify as a super human and the ‘About’ section of her blog should read: “world class ballroom dancer, vegan, bloody good eyebrows”, so I’m always happy to participate in anything she recommends. Anyway, ‘Cowspiracy’ is a Netflix doco that was produced by Leonardo Dicaprio and once I had watched the film I was hoping for that flick of the switch revelation that would make me instantly stop consuming animal products, but alas it did not happen. As the credits rolled I could only think that I wasn’t going to throw out the bacon, cheese, butter and mayo (my favourite) already in my fridge. I figured that since I had already contributed to the deaths of the livestock used to make those products, the least I could do was enjoy it! I went immediately to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich.

Watching the doco did however make me think about cancelling my Netflix subscription and becoming a full time SBS viewer. It also made me consider Maggie Beer’s sustainable living lifestyle and if I too could and have a pet quail that I later killed and made into pate.

I did really enjoy the idea of being a vegan but I don’t have that level of commitment and or will power to avoid all kinds of cheese. So I have decided to be a flexitarian instead.
I’ve been following this diet for two weeks and so far I like it. I can still eat pasta, which I’m stoked about and if you go out for dinner and everyone is sharing food you’re not that annoying person who orders tofu and everyone hates you. It’s ok to have the pulled pork nachos as a flexitarian! I’m all about the soy lattes and I’ve even forgotten about the leather Balmain blazer that I imagine myself wearing to my low paying entry level job.

balmain

New year, new preservative-free, documentary loving, flexitarian me!

 

WordPress.com.

Up ↑